Heart of Glass

You know that thing in your chest that goes, "bumpbump, bumpbump" well it turns out that that little thing is very vulnerable. Unfortunately mine is usually buried in a deep black whole, surrounded by barbwire, and guarded by a three headed dragon, however sometimes it comes out to play. It just seems to have really bad luck when its away from home. so again it crawls back down, deep where it will stay, in hopes that one day someone will unlock the path to it, fight the evil that surrounds it and pry open the sharp barbwire that have cut so many to find it.

Until then, i will be content with being alone. There is nothing wrong with it, a matter of fact I enjoy it. All I need is to feel that little thing in my chest go "bumpbump bumpbump" to remind me that i can still love and I am still alive.

Days are Slipping Away...

Another dream. This one was a bit more realistic even though I don’t remember as many details as I usually do. But I do know that I was under the impression that it was my birthday. I walked around the house and none of my roommates acknowledged me. I went to work; no one said a word about my birthday. I went to school and again, no one wished me a happy birthday.  Didn’t get a call from my parents or my siblings. Everyone had forgotten me on the one day that belongs to me.

I then went home and confronted my roommate about it. She looked at me and said,
“its not your birthday!”

Then she walked away. I instantly took out my planner to look at. However all of the numbers were out of order. Even the weekdays were wrong. So I took out my phone to see what date it said. At first I saw that it was May, but then all of the numbers began changing. It was like watching a digital clock in super fast speed. The days kept passing me by one by one in just seconds… finally I couldn’t look at it anymore. I had to get my list out and do the things I have been meaning to do before my days are over.

Let us not ignore what makes us happy,
Let us not forget those who would never forget us.

It's as though I'm letting the world get in my way.

I STOPS NOW!

time for happiness and true pleasure.

Feeling Small

I am beginning to have a series of dreams again. This time it’s not with clowns and skeletons as its always been, but now with giants and mazes. I have had three dreams so far.

In the first dream I met two giants. They had to be at least 30 feet tall. They were both wearing bright fluffy gowns, somewhat like wedding gowns but one of them was in pink and the other in purple. They were brighter than anything else around them.  Although a bit frightened when they approached me, I just stood there looking up at them talking to them. I don’t remember what words were shared, but I do remember their gowns and there faces vividly.

The second dream consisted of multiple giants. Some I seemed to have somewhat of a relationship with, as though I had been friends with them for quite some time. And others I did not recognize. There was a huge diversity of people and giants just walking around the town as if it was normal. Everyone had accepted people as they were. Although this town wasn’t a town at all, it was a maze of alleyways. I was in a very uncomfortable environment. Dumpsters and newspapers were everywhere and I seemed to be hitting the dead ends more then you could imagine.  But I just continued walking around calmly and communicating with the people and giants around me as though I was not lost at all.

The third dream consisted of only the giants and me. At this point I could recognize all of them, some of them imitated some of the people that I know in my conscious life.  I was a little more uncomfortable with the maze this time because I was aware that I was lost, and I was the only one that was in the maze.  I could see my friends’ heads up above the walls in the distance, but I was basically an ant to all of them. The giants were much bigger than they were before. I screamed and yelled for them, but none of them could hear me. I ran and I ran, but only hit dead end after dead end.  I was beginning to think that maybe they weren’t growing, but I was shrinking.

I guess everything appears bigger than me in my life right now, and I have no idea where to go next.  It truly terrifies me. 

WhirlPool of Sun Flowers

Another strange dream last night! I don't know why but I was walking through a field of flowers. I'm not sure what kind of flowers, but they were beautiful. They kind of looked like sun flowers, however they were very purple and bright pink, (colors that are normally seen in my dreams). As I walked I touched and smelled every flower I passed. Then I reached out, lifting my arms as though I was about to fly and began spinning. My dress twirled with me as i continued to dance in circles. As I spun, I began to break the flowers, one by one their' stems snapped and the large flowers dropped to the ground. In the distance the world began to spin with me.  I had created a whirlpool of flowers and earth. Pieces of the sky and trees began flaking off and move with me. I then realized what i was doing and stopped spinning, but it was too late. Once i stood still, the world was so fast in motion it continued to spin around me faster and faster, pieces of the earth continued to fly around me like a tornado. I could actually feel the air, and slightly smell the flowers as they continued to drizzle down and flake off until there was nothing but darkness. Just me and a black scene.

I stood there for a moment. just staring into nothing. Then I'm not sure why but my eyes opened and I woke up, out of breath and in need of water. I looked to my right, and although I was a little concerned about the world i just destroyed, I couldn't help but smile at what was next to me. Then I headed for the kitchen, still a bit confused about what I had just dreamt about. But then, as I poured a glass of water, I looked up only to see the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen through the window.

What a morning! 


Not too sure how to react to it. 


Russie Denay Sanders

Steph P.

Hoping to find my way through the woods

Crawl through the trees

Dance in the sun

And find out how beautiful life really is.

looking back

It's a symbol of beauty, freedom, power, life, and journey. It is a cycle of metamorphosis, from an egg, to a larva, then into a pupa, and finally an adult. The creature every human being admires; The BUTTERFLY! Why can't the human life be so simple and for-told? The steps we take in life are so complex and layered, we can only wish for such grace and stability. When will we, and when do we reach our adulthood? When can we escape from our cocoon only to see ourselves in beauty and freedom; To escape from immature decisions and truly appreciate ourselves, and our wings. As a child, I felt stuck in a world of darkness and fear. Trapped in a shell, much like an egg. As I tucked my sisters into bed one evening, I looked out the window as I always do to look at the sky and the trees. I would see its' beauty and only wish for happiness, safety, and freedom from the curses that surrounded my sisters and I. On this particular summer night, as the sun was just about set, a butterfly gracefully landed on the window seal. It was almost as though it was looking at me as it stood completely still. I then knew that one day, the beauty of this world would reach me in full effect. I was in the early, fragile stages of my life, but one day, I will grow strong and see the beauty in myself, just like this butterfly that stands before me. Although a long journey ahead of me, and many more struggles to come, I will some day break free and land on some other broken sole's window seal, and show them that life has only begun.

First Thoughts

To start with, I do believe this blog may help me organize my conscious mind. 

I had another dream last night where I was running. running away from the world. I could see everyone and everything that is important me standing there, just watching me run away. Not one word was said, and not one person attempted to stop me. It was as though it was easy for me to just leave behind everyone and everything I have ever cared about. But what does it mean? Who could be that selfish? Why would my dreams completely conflict with how I feel when I am in the real world? 

I guess some day we will see.